1) I don't do well with directions. Lost after the first sentence. Recipes are created to be ignored. Instruction pages are a last resort.
2) I cant cook. Refer to number one. The microwave is my friend. My son has never tasted homemade bread, cookies, etc, baked by his loving mom. 6'3" now, I must have done something right, and he was always a trooper about using orange juice in his cereal if I didn't want to stop for milk.
3) My childhood was spent reclining against the truck, highest branch, of an apple tree, a chair with my legs over the side, sitting on my pony I was forced to ride to keep up with my older sister, whatever, the constant always a book in my hands. Hardy boys-Nancy Drew- and over and over again, Mark Twain, etc.
4) I read the old testament when I was 12. I no longer follow any religion. I never told my son, Santa, easter bunny, tooth fairy was real.
5) In high school I was voted most mysterious, most rebellious, and most likely in detention.
6) Sophomore year in high school I got honor grades in English, A+ on an essay in perfect format titled 'How to Kill your Gym Teacher in 10 Easy Steps'. My parents got a call demanding I comply with seeing the school psychologist. I never went. In my defense the gym teacher really deserved to be brained with a basketball.
7) Dropped out of college after one year. Drove across country with my boyfriend. Stopped in Tucson on the way to Cal. beach, and left 7-8 years later.
8) Worked and fired from various waitress-bartending jobs, while I established Arizona residency and graduated U of A with a plant science degree. ( note: a perfect shot doesn't need to be measured. Count to 3 fast if you don't like the person, slow if you do. )
9) I got fired for suspected employee gambling from the dog tract, and took on a job training grey hounds. ( I once won a grand. I once threatened to strangle a bus boy if he didn't run to the bar down the road and borrow money so I could turn in my waitress bank I'd dipped into.)
I quit training grey hounds when I found out most trainers illegally use live rabbits to train.
10) I purchased a 550 Honda motorcycle, without knowing how to drive it. A few months later I drove solo across country for a brothers wedding. My mom freaked. My dad asked me for a ride. In the 5-6 times I went from NY to AZ and back again, I detoured to visit friends in New Orleans and developed a life long aversion to Texas.
11) A man in rush hour Chattanooga, Tn watched me eye-balling huge truck tires too close to me, and gave me the thumbs up. Encouragement that remains to this day. Coat on, he didn't know my gender.
12) In my mid to late twenties, I spent summers in NY, an occasional fall, helping my parents run the greenhouses. I got in 12-15 hours of solo time before I had to, sigh, admit to my flight instructor I was 4-5 months pregnant. I regret, very much, not finishing and not seeing my flight instructor before he died ten years ago.
13) I dropped out of grad school in AZ, and went back to NY until I was 8 months pregnant.
14) I flew back to Az. A month later, thanks to my nephew throwing pebbles at me in the greenhouse where I worked, I left work early and that night while taking a CPR class my water broke.
15) I rushed from the hospital, called my doctor, and my son was born at my home in the wee hours, interrupting his dad from going to the 1984 Olympics.
16) Detoured like usual on my way to NY, flying this time, and have a picture of my six week old child on Bourbon street.
17) Spent 23-24 years in NY. I once grew, with the help of child labor only, 22,000 geraniums.
18) A tornado took the poly of one of the greenhouses, snow all over the poinsettia crop, bringing an end to my career as a wholesaler grower.
19) Finally, the kid was off to college. I started scribbling in notebooks. My son showed me floppy discs and computer keyboards. He guided me into flash drives. He's the worse teacher in the world.
20) I joined CC and no longer have a life, nor do I care.
21) Um, 5'4", and another brunette, I feel very lucky to have learned from such talented writers and wonderful friends.
Everyone here at Take it to the Stars is so excited that one of our own, Flick, aka Barbara Elsborg, will be published with Ellora's Cave on April 30! Congratulations, Barbara!!!
