Welcome. This blog was started three years ago by four aspiring writers who are now three published authors of novels and short stories (Barbara Elsborg, Dawn Jackson, Arlene Webb) and one multiple award-winning writer (Laurie Green). We blog to keep readers updated on our new releases or other random topics. We hope you enjoy your stay. :] Coffee?

Sunday, April 6, 2008

Adventures in House-Flipping and Multiple Reasons Why You Shouldn't Let Your Husband Watch Home Improvement Shows

Since this wonderful project is taking up so much of my time and slowing a couple of WIPs, I figured I’d make it part of my writing. Come with me while I start this journey of insanity, someone in his or her infinite wisdom tagged ‘House Flipping’. What traumas will men like Bob Villa and fine public television shows like Flip this House bring on an average woman’s life?

Day 1: My husband has informed me he is quitting his job and going into business with his parents. First off, if you’ve ever met my mother-in-law, you’d would know why the thought of going into business with her is much more terrifying than being without the paycheck (more about that later). I nearly had a stroke. If you are like me, an average person trying to make ends meet, living paycheck to pay check, socking away for retirement and your children’s higher education, you can see why I might have issues with this. Lucky me. He agreed to keep his job, if, and it’s a big if, I help him with this Flip. April 1st, 2008, we signed on the property.

Day 5: If I could summarize the adventure I have embarked on in two words, those words would be mouse poop. Today I awoke at 5:00am, ate a quick breakfast, stumbled out of the house and drove down the road to our new property. It’s everything I could dream of, rotted sills, broken windows and a leaky roof (more on that later). It doesn’t have running water; there is a funnel (yes, you heard me) in the bathroom attached to the sewer that the previous, if not a bit eccentric owner used to pee down. Inside, lining 2500 square feet, from wall to wall and floor to ceiling are boxes and boxes of junk. It’s an old dance hall that has seen better days, and more recently served as a junque shop. Why anyone one in their right mind would think spelling it junque instead of junk dresses it up and makes it any different, I will never know. Today I hauled out boxes and boxes of crap and yes, mouse poop. I don’t think there is a shower in existence that will erase this memory.

Outside in the yard, are piles and piles of broken vehicles, furniture, mattresses, wooden pallets, a great big fiberglass cylinder that looks like a grain silo, and multiple things my husband could throw into a burn pile and set the neighbourhood on fire with. Good thing we live in a rural area, where the local townies see piles of trash and think it’s a BYOB party. Half the town of Winchester turned out last night to see us light the night up like day.

Day 6: This morning, not only did I have left over debris to clean up from the fire, I had beer bottles all over the place. I have discovered the joys of burn piles and sore backs. Today, I have excused myself to do laundry for work tomorrow, and to see about getting a tetanus shot.

Next weekend I will return with more of my adventures. Please stick around for the sequel, Flip this Marriage.
I hope to have some photos to share. You really have to see this.

4 comments:

Arlene said...

Dawn, sorry you're involved with such a gross project. But from my perspective, you share with us a funny take on manuel labor and I for one very much look forward to details of your on going saga. The guy actually urinated down this funnel thing? Oh my. Wonder if there's a basement. With a disturbed foundation. A closet with more than dried up rodent skins. Just reading makes me run to wash my hands. Thanks for sharing.

Flick said...

Why Dawn, that sounds like my house! What's wrong with mouse poop? Great protein and adds that little je ne sais quoi to any meal. Funnels in the bathroom. You mean there's another way of peeing?
OOooh, sounds grim grim grim.

Laurie said...

LOL Dawn, I'm sure you have to laugh so you won't cry, but what a great article.

Oh, and the bit with the funnel. Actually my brother has this shop and...nevermind. On second thought, NOT gonna go there. *snickers*

OK, remember this. Repeat after me. "That which does not kill us, makes us stronger."

Looking forward to your next installment.

Dawn said...

Big problem when the plumbings backed up and the funnel is full.
I'm sorry, but I'm not going in that room. I think I'll leave the bathroom for my MIL.
No basement, a crawl space and I'm not going there either. Sorry, I'm terrified of spiders. Plus, I can only imagine where that plumbing problem leads to. Good news is someone wanted the giant silo thingie and took it away. A lot of the metal is going to a scrap dealer so that takes care of the iron stuff. The mattresses burned at the little party last night. Gawd. I still can't believe half the town showed up thinking we were having a party.